Too many thougths

The problem about not having time is, well, not having time. The reason why I started this blog was so that I could write my thoughts, feelings, anything that came to mind. An on-line journal that was read by me and those that wanted to know what was up in my life. The problem, as stated above, is not having time to write and having such an accumulation that the posts become unbearably long. Get to it instead of rambling on you say? OK.

First, I love what I'm doing. I know that I've said it before, more than once if I recall, but I want to say it again: I love the course my studies are taking. Granted, as I've done in the past I can tell you that I had my doubts at the beginning of the semester. The classes seemed to have no shape, no purpose to the overall concept of what I want to do. But being the trouper that I am I stuck to it, following mechanically the process of reading, doing papers, etc... And although I still don't see the whole picture I'm getting glimpses of it, and I like what I see. Mainly I keep asking myself questions, and that in itself is proof that all is right. I am being challenged and made to think which is for me what education is all about. I only wish I had more time to dedicate to it.
The funny thing is that now I see a relationship to what I want to do everywhere. It's like when you start thinking that you can't do without a certain coat and all of a sudden you see that coat everywhere, whereas you never noticed before that everyone was wearing it. Well now I can't read, hear a conversation, watch a movie without thinking about what I've learned so far.
I'm not sure of what it means, it might be a sure sign of obsession but it doesn't bother me and I'm not driving everyone crazy with it either. I'm just observing and digesting, we'll see where it takes me.

The other amazing piece of news is that I'm calm. I haven't felt this calm, free of anxieties, stress or worries in a long time. Yeah I have gotten annoyed and uptight since I last wrote, but it's not affecting me. I don't know what that is all about either, but I'm enjoying the feeling.

So this has become a boring entry about me, me, me. There's a lot going on, but tonight I feel like I'm wading in a pool, listening to smooth music while watching the stars. I'm going with it all the while forgetting that it's below zero out there. The warmth of my home and the quietness of my mind is keeping me sane.

Eureka!

People, I've seen the light. It took me a while but I think that I've finally figured out how to best manage my time this semester. Phew!

I've been worried sick that I was going to fall behind in classes and would not have time to do all the work that needs to be done. Contrary to the past two semesters, I am now taking 2 classes like I've mentioned before, and with working full time I saw it a tad complicated.
Let's just say that when I come home from work I am so drained, that anything that requires an inkling of mental effort can't even be contemplated.
Beyond reading in the subway, which I've mastered quite well in all these years, I really could no see when I would actually be able to study, write papers and such. Well, this weekend it all came to light.

Yesterday I had my first Saturday class. It starts at 9:30 and so I wake up as if I were going to work, which is the blah part. But getting out at 11:45 leaves me the WHOLE day to write, review, read, you name it. And so I came home yesterday, re-wrote my notes (yes, I'm one of those), read the chapters I needed to read for next week, wrote my journal entries (and yes, I'm in grad school and I have to do journal entries, hey, it's a developmental reading class) and had time to make dinner.
I was so tired that by 11:00 I was in bed and sleeping like a baby. The result? I got up this morning refreshed and in full form, just what I needed to attack the 4-page paper due... in 3 weeks! And it's finished! Yay!
My calendar is updated, all the due dates are in and I'm already organizing the next paper... with time to spare to write in here.

So, although I will not be able to leisure-write as much as I had promised myself at the beginning of the year, I will have a window of opportunity on a weekly basis to indulge in it. I'll try and not write too much about school, but you'll have to forgive me if I do, it doesn't look like I'll have much of a life before this summer.

It's alive?

Barely breathing. Very busy. These coming months are looking quite heavy duty. I'll post about this past week soon. Nothing exciting mind you, just not enough time to write about it.
Signing off for now...