Damn

I have just now, as in a second ago, finished the last school project for the semester. Good grief! I never thought I'd make it.
One class to go, which will probably be spent by eating and commenting how quickly in fact the semester went by, and that's that for me. Well besides the observations in the after-school program on Thursdays, but that's another 2 weeks to go and then really, that's it. Well until next semester that is, when I will start the whole thing again... oy.

I'm brewing some coffee, will make an attempt at not doing any work-related activities this weekend, and try and relax while listening to music. What a luxury. Of course the coffee machine is making some strange noise and will most likely boycott my day by not giving me any much-desired cup of java. Just like the CD player not wanting to spit out the last CD I put in there, the light bulb burning in the bathroom, and my keyboard losing the C key, making typing quite an ordeal.
It's a conspiracy.

Of Old and New

Yeah yeah yeah, no need to say it; I know you're thinking it... "lazy bones". Sue me, I've been beyond busy and frankly not very inspired to do any blabbering. Besides, since last I wrote nothing exciting has happened, not that there really ever was anything exciting about my life, but this year has basically just been a looong year of routine, exhausting busy routine, but routine nonetheless.
School? Busy. Work? Beyond busy. Home? Well there's a lot of stuff going on that is also keeping us very busy, but this is not the time nor place to talk about it.

There are though, things that have happened which in retrospect have made me think about how funny life can be at times. Not so much funny as in ha ha funny, but with twists and turns that sometimes take you so much off guard that it makes you wonder about this whole ‘free will’ thing.

For instance, a good friend quit work in September. I was sad to see him go, but knew that he was so miserable at work that it could only be a positive thing for him. In a matter of 2 months the economy crumbled, his husband lost his job, they have to sell the apartment they had newly bought and renovated themselves with love and care, and have moved to my friend's childhood town. Now, for all things that could be foreseen, this was a snowball effect that, at least for me, came out of nowhere at a dizzying speed. Yet I still think that it’s the best thing that could have happened to both of them.
My friend, although loving to live in NYC, would often talk about his home state with longing, all the while trying to convince me that I should go and see real cows, as though he felt sorry for me for only knowing those beast wrapped in cellophane at the supermarket.
I learned that his husband is going to reinvent himself and take on a career he has always wanted to pursue (something about health I think), and so in the long run, will probably feel so much more fulfilled that he was at his prior job.
Now, although brought on by circumstances that would have made me loose my hair, contemplate selling at least one kidney, and become a guinea pig in all profitable experiments, the result turned out to be a very positive one, who would have guessed?

Another thing reminding me that life sometimes winks at you in unsuspected moments is human relationships. This year has seen a couple of old friends who for different reasons hadn’t spoken to me for a long time, go through horrible experiences. Regardless of the time that had passed, they called me when they were going through a terrible time and we are speaking again. It took a traumatizing moment in their lives to make us realize that whatever kept us apart was inconsequential.

You know that ad, “The Human Element”? Often in life we forget one key component of this rollercoaster voyage we all go through, and that’s the Hu element: us. We cannot predict or even sometimes understand how other fellow beings will affect us, react to our little quips, or influence how we end up doing things. The whole point I guess is to accept how things happen and make the best of them as we try, really try, to learn. Bottom line? It often takes an old thing to make you appreciate a new one.

Now, if this isn't a perfect example of a blabbering fortune-cookie philosophy, I don't know what is. Must be the holidays approaching…

Uh... Almost 3 Months??

I've kindly been reminded that I have not given any updates about what this crazy mind is up to....
It is 6:22 AM, so I'm just making a quick dash to let y'all know that I'll be writing this weekend. Promise. Pfttoo (I really don't know how to spit) cross my heart.

The 80's Without the Hair...

Wow, I haven't posted in what seems years, not for lack of updates mind you, but I've been way too busy.
I won't bore you with school, presentations, analyses or some of the morons I take classes with (there goes the educational system people), nor will I talk about the elections (pleeeeeze, enough with the he said/she said crap! and can we cut it a little shorter next time? thankyouverymuch);
I won't talk about how exhausted I am and that the mere thought of a white sandy beach brings tears to my eyes. I will not mention (Ok a sentence, I have to) how spring is here and YAY! I will not talk about not having a life besides work/school/home, why? you give me an extra two seconds in my life and I swear I'll have a blast with it, really, just seconds will do. I'll steer clear of the usual complains of winter, work, dust bunnies and lack of sleep. So what will I talk about you say? Music!
Yes, music. Let me give you a little background to this story. I had a presentation to give last week and was slightly freaking (as usual), so on the day of, in go the earphones and what did I listen to? what always made me get through exams during high school: Heavy Metal. Yes, nothing like AC/DC's For Those About to Rock (... we salute you... come people sing) or Back in Black to calm your nerves, or give you the nerve to stand in front of 30 teachers and teach them how to teach... *ahem*.
In any case, I revisited my iPod's very small collection of Metal and told myself that if I had a second I needed to update it. So today I decided to put the books aside for a minute and download some Def Leppard, Iron Maiden and Poison (turns out we had AC/DC at home, who knew) ... so 80's! I'm still not crazy about Poison, but damn! I'd forgotten how good Maiden was. Next on my list? Some Van Halen (no 80's list is complete without them) more Maiden and Judas Priest. Metallica is already in there, plus they are timeless so they don't count.

As a side note, I also made a trip down memory lane other than by listening to those bands that gave my mother a heart attack (not Metallica, for some strange reason the woman liked them): Kirk showed me some pictures of himself back in that forsaken era... Dude! the hair! the Miami Vice-like wardrobe, it was too much. There were some good things that came out of the 80's but hair and clothes were not among them, so I'll stick to the music.
Anyway people, I can't think of any other bands I need to download, I need some help here, any ideas?
In the meantime I'll thank my lucky stars that no curling iron or strech jeans are among my possessions but just an iPod about to be filled with my youth. A-ha anyone?

Procrastinating

The hardest part about not writing for so long is, well, writing. After a month of not updating this thing it seems like there is either too much to say or nothing at all. I guess the first order of business is to say HAPPY NEW YEAR! I think there's a protocol about this, about how long after the fact you can still say it. Too late to be wishing happy holidays, but we're still breaking-in this new year so I guess it's still fine, sort of. Anyway, '07 is over and '08 doesn't seem to be that different from last one, so on to some usual business.

Today I received a convocation to work the voting polls on February 5... Oooohhh... unfortunately I'll be in class that night so I don't know if I'll be able to do it. I've called the voting center coordinator (because I'm responsible like that) and she still wants me to participate -"Nathalie! so good to hear from you!"- They must be desperate... I'm a little bummed out because I was really looking forward to 'participating' in this election, hopefully they'll accept me leaving early or maybe it won't be an all day affair.

I will not write my very own personal opinions about the up-coming elections in here because, well you read it, they are personal, I'll just say -tweedle dee and tweedle dum, 'nuff said. OK, not fair, but what started looking like a very exciting happening is now looking more and more like a simple greyhound race: some class, a lot of speed but still only going round and round in circles chasing each others' tails, which they still have, tails that is... ahem.
OK so I will try and not talk about the elections, but given that it's mostly what everyone talks about, and mainly all we see on TV I won't promise a thing.

In other news... there aren't any really. School hasn't started so I can't numb you with it and nothing else has changed. I promised myself at the beginning of last year that I would write more, which I didn't do, well not here anyway, so I won't promise anything. I'll try and keep up with y'all, but again, no promises. There, that's this year's modus operantis: no promises I can't keep. Happy? Yeah, I thought so.

Ta-ta people.

P.S. You know what I love about this blog? it's mine so to hell with run-on sentences, and boy there are some...

And after all that tooting...

... I caught a cold. A nasty cold that has been bugging me for way too long for my taste. Nothing to do really but weather it out, or starve it. As my paternal grandmother would say: "Starve a cold, feed a fever" like my father reminded me. No choice in the matter really, I have absolutely no taste buds left, and for anyone that enjoys food like I do, what's the point of eating if you can't taste or smell what you're intaking? I've cooked (by some miracle it was OK) but could not get myself to eat more than what is absolutely necessary for this damn machine called my body to function.
My hearing? hubby thinks that I've gone deaf (he's persuaded that by choice). Everything is muffled, but I've almost mastered the art of reading lips. Give me a couple more days of this crap and I'll be an expert. The only positive thing is that I can't hear the constant background noise of the city. I'm thinking of getting close caption though for the TV, the neighbors must be tired of hearing what I'm watching.
Ah, good times. I got the bug everyone is talking about. I feel like one of the King's musketeers: "all (bugs) for one, and one (bug) for all"; But I will suffer like all my fellow mankind, because I'm unselfish like that... ahem, cough cough, sneeze.

Tooting one's Horn; Part Deux

In the spirit of continuing the patting on the back, I will add that I got an A+. Yes, the bestest (shush, that's a word, I'm a teacher remember?) of the best.
I went to observe one of my peers the following day who had presented before me, and she told me that I made her look bad. I apologized but must admit that it made my ego fly to the moon. I mean, this is someone who has been teaching for a while and is really good, what better compliment can I get?
OK I'll admit, the best compliment was the professor telling me, the week after, that I was ready, that she wanted me in a classroom...
And this is where reality confronts idealism. Teaching, as we all know, is the worst paid profession in the world. Although we count on them to form our future citizens, we do not appreciate them as such.
Paying for school, living in NYC and at the same time attempting to have a glimpse of life from time to time is definitely not possible while being a teacher, convoluted but true.
So I'll have to wait until I'm almost finished with my masters, simply because I refuse to go into debt so as to pay for college.
In the meantime I'll continue to hone in on my calling, working at it, making it better (yeah yeah, I'm still not perfect), and maintaining the idealism I have so far. Here's to hoping that I never loose it...

Tooting one's horn; Part Uno

'Tis been a while so we'll do this in little parts m'kay? Don't want to overwhelm y'all and make you run the other way while screaming "make her stop, make her stop!" OK, now that that's out of the way let's get down to business.

People, I'm going to toot my horn as Kirk kindly suggested and my progenitor told me to do cause, well, I listen to the voices of reason.
I kicked some serious ass if I may say so myself. Yup I was good, hell I was pretty darn good! I was shaking, my ears were red, my voice trembled but apparently nobody noticed (well apart from the ears which made a couple of people put on sunglasses so as not to be blinded by them).
I was supposed to give a 15 minutes presentation which went well over 45. People kept participating and asking questions, the professor kept smiling and I kept going. My peers, who are teachers as I mentioned, were impressed. The best accolades I received after it was finished were "you looked like a veteran", someone else said "why aren't you teaching in a classroom?" or "can I have your lesson plan? I want to use it in my classroom" and yet another "wow, if you got us motivated you will most definitely motivate children" Shall I go on or is it already too much self-congratulating?

I feel very good about the whole experience. My adrenaline was pumping, my heart was beating fast, and I felt like I was on top of the world.
I am a teacher people. I am a teacher.

Ayayayay

So tomorrow I have a *ahem* huuuuge presentation. Well it's not so much a presentation as a lesson taught to... ta da... teachers! Yup, I will be teaching tomorrow, to teachers, math, geography and general culture through the use of recipes (because we all know how much I love food) as if they were9 year olds. I can't wait to make a fool of myself.
Lesson plan? check. Graphs and charts? check. Cards with recipes? check. Nervous wreck? double check.

I know that at the end it'll be fine, but I also know that I'm probably going to blush and stammer. You see I've taught in the past as a college assistant, but that was different, the poor devils thought that I was a genius and swallowed everything I said. Now I'm confronting people that actually do this for a living! Oh good grief. The lesson is pretty solid, but it's the presentation of it that has me worried. You'd think that I was blasé with all the talking, intervening and general comment-making that I do while in class, but nope, I'm freaking.

I've been preparing this for over a month (and still married by some kind of miracle) and tomorrow is D day.
I'll let y'all know how it went. Tonight? I don't think that I'll be sleeping much...

On a lighter note

I took two days off from work. Add those to the weekend and the day we have for Columbus day and I have 5 whoooole days for myself. I'm so happy. What are we doing? Who knows but we're doing something, after I mastered the CD player that refuses to cooperate with me. Mr. N touches it and it does what it supposed to do; Me? Nothing, it doesn't budge... oh technology, how I loath thee.

May I please?

How many times have you heard on the subway, the street, the T.V. people asking for you to donate something? There's the guilt trip: "with just 10 cents a day this little girl can go to school", the stab to the heart: "won't you help this child have something to eat today?", the constant reminder that you have more than some others do.

It's real though, we are all surrounded by people that have less, suffer more and are in dire need of basic needs. It is a reality of our society and as soon as you live in what many would consider comfort you think of it. The problem is that most of us who feel like we could do something, realize that our little something will not even move a grain of sand in this desert of misery. Why? because most of what we give or might give goes to some big organization that is overlooking the distribution of it all. Not really their fault, after all we live in a capitalistic society.

But there is - and shoot me for being, yet again, an education advocate - one that goes to the core of things: the education of children.
www.donorschoose.org is done by teachers that need materials for their classrooms. They'll state exactly what they need, exactly what project they needed it for. You'll see something like "crayons", "pens", etc... it is actually heartbreaking some of the things they list as their "needs".
Give people. This is our future we're investing in...

It's September already?

Yeah I'm a bit far behind, it's the middle of September! That means several things: 1) gardening is coming to a close, 2) the semester has started and 3) it's September damn it! my most dreaded month.
For those of you who know me you know that turning yet another year is not something I look forward to. I've mentioned this is the past, it's genetic. I had a great aunt who would stay in her apartment with all the curtains drawn and kept away from the world. We didn't even know what day exactly was her birthday because we were forbidden to call her. I'm not that bad, but let's just say that I do not enjoy it.
Now this one is a big one, the big 40. I've been told that 40 is the new 30, whatever, if there's a zero in it, it's usually worse than the others. Mr. N, knowing his wife full well, has in the past years come up with things that would trump the dreaded day. 3 years ago he gave me a diamond and proposed over a pint of beer (we're romantic like that) after eons of being together, didn't expect it. After thinking that we would spend the rest of our lives engaged a year later he told me, in September, that we should get married that year, which we did 2 months later, in jeans, at city hall, with a good friend that kept cracking up as our witness. It was great.
This year we've been preoccupied with other things so somehow it has lost its sparkle or lack thereof. Mr. N keeps asking me what do I want to do for "the day" and frankly I have no idea. One day I think that it would be nice to have friends over, the next not so much... isn't indecision a proof of lack of maturity? I must be regressing then. In any case I will not beat myself up, I will play it by ear and see what I want to do when I want to do it, because damn it, it is MY birthday after all! I will not succumb to pressure, not even from me.

The lazy post

OK, so the last post was one of the laziest posts I've written. Copy and paste? oh yeah easy, coming up with something to say? not so much.
There are lots to say, but sometimes you feel the need to keep it to yourself, a sort of inner secret that makes you feel like the moment is special, you know?
And so I've had a couple of those, inner moments I mean, moments that I want to keep all to myself and not share with the world at large. Hell,not even with those close to me.

These past weeks I've been doing nothing but keeping to myself and being, well, lazy. This weekend was the best example of it. The garden? saw it once; The pool? didn't even get near it. Instead I read, laid around and contemplated my belly-button, lovely weekend if I may say so myself. It was a weekend of contemplation and relaxation. But nothing came out of it besides me being extremely well rested and restless... Although relaxation is key I always feel somewhat guilty of not doing a thing, must be a NY thing.
In any case, I'm starting classes soon enough and so I figured that allowing a weekend of nothingness was not that bad after all.

So here it is, a post about nothing really, but a reason why I haven't posted.I'm sure y'all understand right? Right.

A little taste of nothing

So although I should follow Kirk's example - who not only proved to all that he is not a procrastinator but also that he can keep his blog while 1) renovating an apartment, 2) moving and all the while 3) having a root canal - and write more, I will not do it just now.
But I had to show my face quickly to tell you y'all about a site that if you have nothing to do you should visit. It's a personality test... yeah yeah yeah I know, waste of time. Well today I was precisely in the mood to waste time: too hot and humid to do any gardening, too lazy to do any house work, and so I surf as an excuse not to do laundry.
As I was reading another blog, the author mentioned the site and of course, looking for excuses not to get up I went right to it. I took the test, and I have to say that the profile they gave me was, well pretty accurate, so much so that the result is that I'm recommending it if you have time to waste or are looking for an excuse not to get off the computer.
Here's my profile:

You are a Benevolent Inventor.

About you - You are an Inventor
- Your imagination, self-reliance, openness to new things, and appreciation for utility combine to make you an INVENTOR.
- You have the confidence to make your visions into reality, and you are willing to consider many alternatives to get that done.
- The full spectrum of possibilities in the world intrigues you—you're not limited by pre-conceived notions of how things should be.
- Problem-solving is a specialty of yours, owing to your persistence, curiosity, and understanding of how things work.
- Your vision allows you to identify what's missing from a given situation, and your creativity allows you to fill in the gaps.
- Your awareness of how things function gives you the ability to come up with new uses for common objects.
- It is more interesting for you to pursue excitement than it is to get caught up in a routine.
- Although understanding details is not difficult for you, you specialize in seeing the bigger picture and don't get caught up in specifics.
- You tend to more proactive than reactive—you don't just wait for things to come to you.
- Your independent streak allows you to make decisions efficiently and to trust your instincts
- You're not afraid to let your emotions guide you, and you're generally considerate of others' feelings as well.
- Generally, you believe that you control your life, and that external forces only play a limited role in determining what happens to you.

If you want to be different:
Try applying your creativity to more artistic arenas, and letting your imagination take less practical forms.

How you relate to others - You are Benevolent
- You are a great person to interact with—understanding, giving, and trusting—in a word, benevolent.
- You don't mind being in social situations, as you feel comfortable enough with people to be yourself.
- Your caring nature goes beyond a basic concern: you take the time to understand the nuances of people's situations before passing any sort of judgment.
- You're a good listener, and even better at offering advice.
- You're concerned with others at both an individual and societal level—you sympathize with the plights of troubled groups, and you can care about people you've never met.
- Considering many different perspectives is something at which you excel, and you appreciate that quality in others.
- Other people's feelings are important to you, and you're good at mediating disputes.
- Because of your understanding and patience, you tend to bring out the best in people.

If you want to be different:
You spend a lot of time taking care of others, but don't forget to take care of yourself!
Sometimes you can get over-committed, and when you sacrifice spending time with those close to you, it can make them feel unimportant.

Cool uh?
Want to do it? Go to http://www.personaldna.com/ and have fun.

OK now to find something else to waste my time in.
Back later.

No reptillian weekend here

I'm not a reptile. What do I mean by that? I mean that I don't need to lay in the sun in order to warm my blood and so I don't.
Contrary to what appearances may show, I'm not one of those that spends her time laying in the sun, putting on lotion, with a timer in her hand so as to know when to flip around and doing nothing of her weekend but concentrate on tanning lines. Not so. I am lucky to have a pool available but incapable of spending time laying by it, even with a good book in my hands. I tried, really, once so far. It lasted about 1/2 hour (not counting the time when I was actually IN the pool, that I can deal with). The only reason why I attempted to go against my nature was precisely those damn lines, or more like patches in my case.
You see, we are also lucky to have a garden in the building, and that's what Mr. N and I do during our weekends, we garden. The result is that Mr. N looks like he has a white t-shirt on even when he takes it off, and me, being the smart girl that I am, have tank-top marks. It looks like I'm all over tanned, but no. If I wear a skirt (which we now know I don't) or capris, you will see a definite difference between my back and my legs; it's like two different entities walking as one. It is a bit weird and so I thought I could try and even it out. 1/2 hour did not do it, nor do I care.
And here is the reason why, I much rather be here, than doing nothing but hear brats frolicking in the water...

A NY moment

I hardly ever wear dresses. Why you say? because I am the ultimate clutz. I am the person you see stumbling over a piece of dust on the sidewalk and immediately turning around to look for the mountain that had surely suddenly risen up.
I am the one that cannot drink coffee in the subway and manage to read her book while trying to keep a resemblance of balance. I will be the one always saying "sorry about that" while she bumps into you when there was absolutely no reason to be bumping into anyone.
I know I am a clutsz so I don't wear dresses just in case I fall I don't, on top of making a fool of myself, flash the entire world. I also don't wear white pants for the same reason. If I wear anything light I know that I'll be the one seating in the only seat where a 2 year old brat dropped his or her cranberry juice. But... but, I broke my rule a few days ago and wore white pants, and what had to happen happened, I fell.
As I was making my hurriedly way to the subway, climbing up the stairs in as a nonchalant way as I could muster, all the while cursing myself for having sat and knowing that I most likely was wearing someone's breakfast on my butt, I stumbled and fell.
First thought: "Do not put your knees down woman! you're wearing white!" so I probably looked like I was doing a downward dog in a very yogi fashion so as to avoid the sure stain. Of course when you have about a hundred people behind you it fails to look athletic and just looks pathetic.
I tried to follow the flow of the fall, and just grabbed my book that had flown from my hands as I was picking myself up, just so that it didn't look that evident, but didn't quite manage. My hair fell on my eyes so that I was blinded for a second, my sunglasses dropped on the floor and my most feminine attitude went out the window. I had to turn around and apologize to the line that had formed behind me patiently waiting for me to get it together.
We all missed the subway.
The white pants are in the closet and will gather dust. I am not to wear them again nor will I attempt to wear a dress, unless it's down to my ankles and I'm wearing shorts underneath it... better safe than sorry....

Life is a bitter mystery

"Life is a bitter mystery" was an expression used by one of my old coworkers way back then, and it's one of those expressions I often refer to. It's true, you never know what you'll get in life, although I'm still debating about the bitter part. Lately though I've gone through a quite mind-boggling experience that would tend to assert that quandary yet I've somehow managed to keep a stiff upper lip, if you know what I mean.
I found out a few months ago that although mentally I'm still a young chick (yes, maturity is not a lifetime goal), my body has decided to prove that it's not that infallible.; more precisely the lady-ovaries decided to act beyond their age and stopped producing as many ovules as they should. The result? No little jr. Ns about to come. And so Mr. N and I went to an ovary specialist, better known as a fertility doctor.
Many probings and sticking with needles later, 4 (yes read four) embryos were transplanted. Needless to say that I was in a state of panic. Four? The hell? one seems impossible enough, but 4? No worries, none of them decided to stick around, and this is where I recalled my coworker's expression. You see I panicked at the idea of having four, but having none was even harder. And so now I find myself thinking that next time around if I'm asked whether it's OK to transplant 11 embryos I'll just have to think of what name to give to the football team, because people, life is a bitter mystery, and out of the eleven I'll hope that one decides to call itself my kid... and hey, if they all decide to stick around, we'll need a goal keeper!

Just a little something

I'm writing because I said I would, but I'm so tired that I'm going to collapse any second now so I'm keeping it short.
What has happened since last I wrote? Semester is over, got good grades. Garden has been planted. My cooking mojo is back. Trying to quit smoking so not drinking while cooking, maybe that changed it?
Anyway, I've officially joined my grandmother's ranks: I am now in bed by 10:30 and getting up (without alarm mind you) by 6:30. I say it's the summer, sounds better than age.
I am not inspired tonight and can't stop yawning, so I'll leave y'all until tomorrow.
I'll try and be a bit more awake, although I can't promise anything.
Signing off.

Oh my!

It's been over a month!! Such laziness.
I'll write tonight, really, I will.

Too much?

Yesterday the professor told me in front of everyone in the class that I am extremely analytical. I didn't quite know how to take it and so I waited until the end of class to ask her if that was such a bad thing. Her answer was that no, that it meant that I was really thinking about the subject.
But it got me thinking, and doubting of course, whether I sometimes push too far. I am well aware of the fact that I tend to look for what is not said, what is not implied and what sometimes is not even thought of. I often want to go beyond what is obvious and look deeper into things.
I've been known to dig in so deep that whatever I was digging for is no longer an issue. It sometimes has come to point of annoyance, an although I have that little voice on my shoulder telling me to stop I don't know how to.
I question everything, absolutely everything. But, shouldn't there be a point of just accepting things for what they are?
What marks the difference between a quizzical mind and a provocateur?